Why I hate local TV channels

22 Aug

I hate local TV channels as much as I hate stupidity, religious fascism, corruption, being drunk alone  and Jamiroquai. There is something innately sickening when I turn on the local channels; like putting a bucket full of golden retriever puppies in a microwave and watching them explode just for the kick of it. What is it about local TV that gets on my nerves and why I’d avoid it like the plague? I break it down to a few categories.

It reminds me of Jakarta’s traffic:

All those congestions, bottlenecks, street beggars, pollution, the feeling of helplessness, anger and tiredness are there in my mind when I watch local TV channels. It’s just barrages of useless colorful pictures/information that are there to pollute my mind. Sinetron is like those big ugly patas/kopaja buses that take up shit loads amount of spaces, they’re ugly as sin and they’re always in front/behind you no matter where you look. These ugly fuckers are here to stay, you can’t avoid them, can’t go around them, especially in rush hours/prime time.

Motorcycles are like those useless presenters/MC’s in variety/chat shows. They’re loud, obnoxious, and trying way too hard to dress/look like glamorous crack addicts and an attention seeking whores. Why else would motorcycle riders  in Jakarta’s traffic got the balls to ride on the foot path/pedestrians bridge if not for the glory and personal achievements?

Street light beggars kinda remind me of local news, they’re always depressing and get more depressing as you watch it. It’s the same old news about unsolved corruption cases, national disasters, famine & hunger in rural areas, how Malaysia kept stealing our cultures, rape our women and torturing our men while our president keeps complaining/curhat about how under appreciated he feels. Depressing? hell yeah.

Celebrity culture:

Infotainment/gossip shows are the cornerstones of high ratings and the quickest way to go to hell. I swear the makers/celebrities of these shows must made a fist fuck deal with the devil or they could be Lucifer’s illegitimate children when he got too drunk and fucked a goat. And that goat fucked another goat and Olga Saputra was born.

When Depe & Saipul Jamil admit every time infotainment run their stories and get high ratings, they actually love it. They understood completely the symbiotic relationship between celebrities trashy values and ratings. Oh, Saipul actually said ‘symbiotic’.  That’s scary.

Watching a gossip show is like watching an endless vortex of somebody’s crappy life. You watch what they do for work, getting on with someone, break up, made up, get married, have kids, made a sex tape, get busted for drugs,  found God, have an affair, get a divorce, lost God, fighting over the children, get married again, get sick, found God and die. Then you repeat the same cycle with some other useless celebrity and the vortex begins all over again.

Commercial/Consumer culture:

I’ve directed commercials, there I’ve said it. I’m not being a hypocrite, I’m just being honest. Commercial in it’s rawest form is a good thing because it promotes sales and growth for the companies which in turn employ/absorb more local workers and raise their standard of living. But in its refined form, it gets disturbing. The thing about Indonesian commercials is that the high frequency of commercials being aired dictates how the program being run. If you watch a movie on an Indonesian channel is very challenging because every 10 minutes it goes to commercial, and the commercials are way too long.

In western countries, when a movie cuts to a commercial they have to make sure it is cut properly. Meaning, it won’t cut to commercial in a middle of a battle scene or the climax of the story. In Indonesia, this rule gets thrown out of the window. Even more disturbing, sometimes they  CUT the movie to fit in more commercials. I’ve seen movies where they  cut out 5-10 mins of the scenes,  so I gave up watching movies on local channels altogether. In essence, Indonesian people are unwillingly being taught to be more consumer culture in the last 15 years at a much faster rate than American people in the first 30 years of their TV culture.

The ironic part is, the lower class gets the brunt end of the deal because they can’t afford cable like the middle class. They can’t get away from commercials because once the program they’re watching goes to commercial, when they change channel it shows commercials too. While those who can afford cable can check out National Geographic for a quick peek to avoid commercials while saving a few more brain cells. Unfortunately the great teachers of Indonesia at the moment are the local TV channels  who teach the poor and the disfranchised they need to buy all these useless products to make their shitty life much more fulfilling.

It gives me daymares:

You know h0w you get nightmares when you’re asleep? Well, I get daymares when I watch local TV for more than 15 minutes. Daymares are far more damaging because basically you’re having  nightmares while you’re awake. Watching local TV makes you impotent, sends you to deep depression, gives a fleeting feeling of superiority and quickly accompany by anger/resentment. You know what? being drunk alone may not sound like a bad idea, as long as you don’t turn on the local channels. Otherwise you might get suicidal.



2 Responses to “Why I hate local TV channels”

  1. huh August 23, 2012 at 4:31 am #

    Gosh, a typical middle class rant who sees everything from his sterile encapsulate-air conditioned world call car. I’m the one in the kopaja, though. The best you can provide us is another fantasy of the capitalist machinery to encourage us to consume more and you call it necessary for economic growth and the nation’s prosperity?? Thank you very much! You just manage to show how egoistic and egotistic you are.

  2. joegievano August 23, 2012 at 4:59 am #

    you’re missing the point. I never encourage to consume more, in fact I detest it because this society is being molded to consume at a scary rate but I’m saying commercial in it’s basic form is good for the economy because it stimulates growth but hyper capitalism encourages commercials to change our habits as a consumer to a hyper level and this is terrible.

    As for the kopaja, it doesn’t matter where you’re seeing it from. on a motorcyle, inside alphard, inside kopaja it’s still ugly as sin and it’s a fact.

    it doesn’t matter if you’re poor, middle class or upper class. we’re stuck with local channels that encourage us to be hyper consumers. don’t reflect your class war/gap onto me because that’s not the point of the article.

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